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Dirga Kala

11/6/2014

11 Comments

 
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When I first started doing Ashtanga, in 1997, I was in, perhaps, the worst shape of my life. I had just given birth to my third child a few months earlier, and had struggled with the physical and emotional changes from all three of my pregnancies. Laziness and inertia had truly set in after years of carrying children and steadily gaining weight. The way I liked to recharge myself was by watching a French film on DVD from Blockbuster on Sunday nights, along with a glass of wine or two, after everyone had gone to bed (admittedly, I still enjoy doing this occasionally!) 

Although it’s an accepted truth today, the idea that doing yoga could make me both healthier and happier if I just did it consistently was something that no one wrote or talked about at the time. 

When I finally found Ashtanga, after a brief exposure to hatha Yoga in the early ’90’s, it’s beauty and depth (and the intellectual and physical rigor needed to practice it) appealed to me like nothing had before. I was hooked from the first class, but did not become a “daily” practitioner for many years. My path to daily practice - and more importantly, the renewed health and vitality it gave me - wasn’t a steady and straight path. In the first years, I would take off weeks due to demands of family life. Nor did I learn Ashtanga in a Mysore style setting, but only attended Led style classes, as the lovely studio where I took my first Ashtanga classes didn’t offer Mysore style practice*, and I didn’t know how to practice on my own at home. 

(In retrospect, my practice took much longer to evolve and grow, compared to students who practiced more consistently and also those I met later who learned via Mysore style. Seeing my own students today, most of whom are learning the practice in a Mysore style setting, I now know that those who practice more consistently AND do Mysore style practice generally go further in - and get more out of - their practice than those who only practice once or twice a week in led style classes.) 

It was only when I began studying with Nancy Gilgoff and learned that practice need not be a 90 minute led class, but rather, that you could practice 6 days a week by setting aside as little as 15 minutes (if that is all you had time for) to practice sun salutes, the last three padmasanas, then take rest - and that those 15 minutes counted as a daily practice!  Only then did I begin to have a consistent, true Ashtanga practice, because I could do 15 minutes on the days I couldn’t get to led class. And, those 15 minutes soon turned into longer and longer self-practices.

After just a couple of months of daily practice, I noticed a few things: 

First, what was once a demanding practice actually became easier for me, both physically and mentally, even though at first I felt I didn’t have time to do it every day. Admittedly, I wasn’t doing 90 minutes of asana every day, but I was doing at least 30-45 minutes, 6 days a week (with Moons and Menses off, natch). What was important was that it was consistent, mindful and wise practice. I wasn’t as sore or depleted as I had been when I practiced only sporadically, i.e. my former method of once or twice a week for 90 minutes of “kick-asana”-style practice that would leave me wrung out and depleted - and usually feeling discouraged, too. 

Second, I felt that consistent practice made me better able to handle the ups and downs of daily living and family life. To be frank, I was, simply, a nicer person (and a better Mom and partner - just ask my family for proof of this) when I practiced more regularly. I was more patient, less irritable, more cheerful and energized, and therefore better able to sweat the small stuff - and a little better able to handle the big stuff, too. 

And, third, it was only then that I finally began to do yoga. 

Ashtanga practice had become something more to me than merely a means to stay fit or reduce stress. It had become sadhana. When you roll out a mat consistently several times each week, doing the same series of postures again and again, breathing and moving mindfully every day, you begin to notice a few things about who you are, what you struggle with, and what your monkey mind tends to turn towards (generally, quite negatively) like a broken record or some bad pop song looping in your head. This noticing is enhanced when your practice, your sadhana, is quiet: with Ashtanga, it's just you breathing and moving and following the same sequence every day (with effort and kindness in equal measure, egolessly) and, importantly, with little to no distractions to anesthetize you. There is no music blasting, nor is there a teacher shouting at you or telling you constantly what to do. Rather, it’s just the inhale and exhale guiding you into and out of postures that are attempted earnestly and sincerely, but without pushing yourself to injury or despair. (And, when you practice in a Mysore setting, with folks nearby working earnestly themselves, with a teacher there to support you when you need him or her, and the room filled with the sound of the breath, well, that's even better. As AYN teacher Georgiann Kristek likes to say, "How lucky are we?!")

I’ve never experienced anything else quite like it. After almost 18 years of doing Ashtanga, I am grateful that it’s lessons and gifts keep coming, and hope they will for a long time.

Sometimes students ask me, “Why do you think this works?” I usually say in response, “I don’t know, but it does work. Just keep practicing, even when - especially when - it gets difficult.”  Sometimes, I read them this lovely quote by the Australian Ashtanga teacher Dena Kingsburg (one of Pattabhi Jois’ most advanced students) from the book Guruji by Guy Donahaye and Eddie Stern. It is the best metaphor I've ever read of the Ashtanga practice and explains better than I ever could why the practice works:

“The practice is a purification process, a therapy to make us well. From this state of being well, other things unfold....the rhythmic repetition of movement becomes familiar and soothing, and the mind slips away into the space between thought. I think of it like this: Perception is a window. This window has been marked with the passing of time. Impressions are left upon it by our conditioning...by life’s experiences...damaged by disappointment, trauma and loss, clouded by uncertainly and confusion. I see the practice as the process of cleaning the window. Each day we dip the sponge into the bucket and wipe it across the surface. After some time, the change is apparent. A clear opening arises where it was clouded before, and this unclouded vision brings more light and clarity. It’s enough to keep you dipping. Sometimes there are marks on the glass that are difficult to remove and sometimes there are areas in the practice that are difficult and it seems that we will never be able to pass beyond them. Repetition is the key. We go back to the same place over and over without expectation or judgment ...until eventually catharsis,either subtle or dramatic, occurs as some stubborn or trapped part of us breaks free....Days, weeks, months, years pass, and slowly the mind settles and the window of perception clears.” 


*(In fact, AYN is still one of only two Mysore style Ashtanga shalas in Western Mass, and Mysore style teaching, which teaches students how to practice on their own, is rarely available outside of big cities even today.) 




11 Comments
Rebecca Whistler
11/7/2014 03:13:48 am

Thank you, Michelle, for the beautiful post. I think it's clear when spending time around you, how much internal peace and joy an Ashtanga practice can bring.

In my own practice, I advanced quickly through the first and second series, and sometimes I find I put a lot of pressure on myself to complete a whole series when I practice. It's nice to have a reminder every once in a while that surya namaskara and the final padmasana series count as doing a daily practice.

And how lucky your students are that there is a Mysore style studio where you live! I feel so lucky that we have one here in little ol' Reno, of all random places. I've been considering moving lately, and one of the things I'm struggling with is finding a Mysore studio in potential new cities. Maybe that means it's time to open my own!

Thanks for the encouragement and inspiration. <3

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Michelle
11/8/2014 11:03:19 am

Rebecca! So good to hear from you (it seems a long time since those two lovely weeks at Tim's this June!) Thank you for your sweet comment. I think we all have put that pressure you describe on ourselves at one time or another. Plus - there's that sutra about mild, moderate or intense means of practicing, and so, we all would like to be in that third category, perhaps because by doing so, Patanjali says the path is shortened! :)

But, this is a practice designed by householders for householders. There's a time and place for all things, and maybe practicing as a sannyasin while we are still in householder stage was not what PJ and Krishnamacharya intended for us? And, also my favorite Pattabhi Jois aphorism always makes me smile and helps me give myself a break, too, when doing asana practice for 90 minutes every day seems to be impossible because of other commitments: "Family life, seventh series! Most advanced practice!"

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Kathy Falge link
11/7/2014 06:38:22 am

Thank you Michelle. I love what you have shared here about your practice (so heartfelt and personal) and the beauty of the Mysore method. I'm going to share it with the students on our studio facebook page. I'm restarting the Mysore program at our studio this January and I think your words will be an inspiration for many. You certainly have inspired me. Much gratitude and love coming your way!!

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Michelle
11/8/2014 11:07:18 am

Thank you, Kathy, you're very sweet to say so. And, I am so glad you'll be restarting your Mysore program. They do take time to establish - a labor of love and service - but they are well worth it and so fun to teach, too. Feel free to email me if you want to create some collegiality surrounding your Mysore teaching - I always love "talking shop" with other Ashtanga teachers! Sending love right back atcha!

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Gert McQueen
11/7/2014 01:45:58 pm

I have been practicing for 11 years with Kathy Falge at Satyana yoga studio, I'm only now beginning to sense the depth that Mysore can bring. Yes, even if you do 30 minutes a day, on your own, you get the meaning and it just keeping getting deeper.

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Michelle
11/8/2014 11:08:56 am

Right on, Gert! Just do what you can, a little each day, or as often as you can, and it does add up. Exponentially, I've found! You've got a good teacher in Kathy, too - look to her for support and guidance whenever things get tough. That's what your teacher is for - a light to guide you!

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Cathy
11/8/2014 12:08:46 pm

I used to practice with Kathy & Gert before I moved to SC. I "wandered" away from Ashtanga with my move and am heading back to my practice. I do not have a local place to go for Mysore practice so I will begin again with my practice cards & David Swenson's book & Ashtanga For Women.

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gert mcqueen
11/9/2014 07:21:36 am

Hi Cathy! miss you!

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Cathy
11/9/2014 10:54:48 am

Gert, I miss you too!

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Kristen link
11/10/2014 12:18:37 pm

Just wanted to reply quickly and say this is so beautiful and all so very true. I guess the wiping the sponge illustration didn't jump out at me the first time I read that book but it really resonates now. I was with my people in the little space this morning and it was absolutely quiet and everyone was breathing and it was just truly remarkable. Driving away, heading to my office, I really did almost pinch myself. Much, much love to you and I hope to get up to visit this winter. Things got a little nuts for a minute there, but I'm not afraid to visit in the winter. XO

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Lovely link
12/16/2014 05:00:06 pm

Hi! I'm used to do this for almost a year and now I'm so proud to share that I'll be giving birth for our first baby. Thank you, very inspiring and motivating blog:).

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